Journey to the End of the Semester

           Thanksgiving.

           A time for giving thanks, visiting with extended family, eating delicious food, and answering an overwhelming amount of questions. After being bombarded by inquiries about my marital status—or lack-thereof—, health, and social life, my family members naturally turned their attention to my first semester in college.

“How is college life, Madelyn? Tell us all about your semester,” my aunt said, genuinely curious.

“Well—” I paused, mouth open. Where do I even begin? How do I tell her about Insecurity interfering with my quest to finish the semester? How do I explain my raging battle with negativity or Netflix’s hold on my heart?

As I thought about my time at Faulkner, clips from the past three months played in my mind like scenes from a movie. I instantly flashed back to my second week of college, a week that made me question why I enrolled in college at all.

Suddenly, I was in our Great Books classroom. Due to hurt feelings, being overwhelmed, and trying to adjust to college life, my day had already been rough. Though it was our fourth Great Books class, I still struggled with my inability to string more than two words together during our discussions.

“I—uh, I think Venus ‘ridiculed [her] son with [her] disguises’ because she wanted to, uh…” I fumbled through my words and mispronounced a few characters’ names before I decided to end the sentence on a less-than-sophisticated note (1.495).

Insecurity leered at me from Her place in the corner. “You do not belong here,” she whispered.  “You are worthless; a kindergartener makes more sense than you.”

Embarrassed and red-faced, I stared at the dark space below the conference table. It beckoned me to crawl beneath. I would be safe under the table, comfortable. I could bask in my ignorance and ignore the world of knowledge altogether.

           Somehow, I remained in my chair, choosing to learn instead of hide, and managed not to fall apart until I went home that evening.

Based on what college students before me conveyed, I thought college would be the best time of my life. Though I felt that way later, the first few weeks of college were as if I had been dropped in the ocean amidst a storm, battling the wind and the waves.

Throughout the semester, Insecurity called upon monsters who swirled around my head like bats, tormenting me constantly. They whispered negative sentiments such as “the upcoming math test is going to be horrible,” “this book is so boring,” and “nothing is going as planned.”

Although I knew “universal nature delights in change,” I found that change is especially inevitable in college (9.35). I discovered this fact on numerous occasions, one of them being when one of my professors postponed our test until after Thanksgiving break.

“Can you believe that we have to wait two weeks to take the test?” one of my friends asked.

I shook my head. “I studied for hours and even stayed home instead of going out with friends so I could review the material. I wanted to take the test today!” I whined.

Though I tried to “keep a cheerful demeanor” in spite of outside circumstances, I despised change and allowed these monsters to drive me mad (3.5).

Netflix became my safe haven away from Insecurity. I was easily lost in its gaze, and I desperately wanted to forget about all of my worries. The “watch next episode” button willed me to continue binge-watching episodes of The Office. Wasted time as well as the number of television seasons I watched increased, and I fell head over heels in love with Netflix.

Fortunately, “friendship is a help to the young in saving them from error,” and my friends refused to let me neglect my responsibilities (1155a12-13). They, rather forcefully, pulled me off of the couch and steered me back on course once and for all.

Thinking about it now, I realize my first semester was written by God long ago. Though Insecurity schemed against Him and threw obstacles in my path, She could not interfere with the plans God had for me. Without God’s guidance and gift of good friends, I would have been “a guide to my own self-destruction,” and Insecurity would have been victorious (IV.i).

Snapping out of my somewhat lengthy daze, I turned my attention back to my aunt and other family members.

“My first semester has definitely been a journey,” I replied slowly. “College has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do,” I shook my head as a smile crossed my face.

“In the end, though, I discovered a new part of myself. I discovered that I am capable of reading authors such as Plato and Saint Augustine. By pushing myself to do better and be better, I learned about new concepts, philosophy, the world, and God. I developed a new way of thinking and am not “satisfied with my own superficial thoughts,” but instead, have learned from great thinkers and philosophers (1.7.3).

“Most of all, I discovered that it is possible to successfully end my first semester while even having a little fun along the way.”